Todays scan did not go well. I still have as many follicles as two days ago which really isn't good. It's a case of quantity but not quality as I only have two at the moment which are over 14mm and they have to be over this to qualify as being mature enough for egg collection next week. The problem is that my ovaries have been slightly over-stimulated really and are still in that state so I have around 15 on one and 23-ish on the other and because there are so many the effort seems to be shared and so most of them are around 10mm. They can't give me more drugs because I'll just get over-stimulated and if they give me less then the larger ones won't develop. So they've kept me on the same with the hope that the larger ones will develop and the smaller ones will fall away. If there's no major improvement by Friday then we are going to have to abandon the cycle.
I'm gutted. I'm so gutted that I haven't even cried. I'd allowed myself to start to dream as it had all seemed to be going so smoothly and so easily that I thought that this was it. It's not the end though, I'm still stimming and there is still a chance that on Friday things will have turned around. I can't let myself cry at the moment, even though I'd really like to. I daren't because I think once I start I'd not stop and I'm scared that I'd lose myself in it. It's my last day at work tomorrow and I have to get through that. Then I can face the future. I was so full of hope and I need to keep that feeling. Somehow.
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