Will Power

I'm feeling a bit discouraged about my running. The last two times that I've been I've found it such hard work. I know that sometimes when you go you feel great and other times you feel just awful, but I thought that after going twice a week for almost a month now, things would start loosening up a bit and it would at least feel a bit better.

The last two, including this morning I've ended up walking which I absolutely hate doing. I just felt completely sick and my tummy was hurting. Usually I just carry on and run through it but it made me feel so bad that I had to walk. Both times my heart rate has been quite high and I've been working hard and I've walked until my heart rate comes down and the pain then goes. I don't think it's my heart though but it must be something to do with working hard. After that I can carry on running and things are fine. It's quite bizarre. I have had this before but not twice in a row and today I was almost at the half-way mark when it happened and I felt so bad I turned and walked homewards as I was worried I might not make it back otherwise.

I've come home both times feeling quite discouraged even though looking on the bright side, both times I've been out and have been exercising for 35-40 minutes, burning off calories and working my body - which surely has to be good!? Phsycologically though, it's hard. My times haven't improved at all since the second run, when I run it seems to be harder work, my muscles and joints still ache after every run and my weight hasn't changed one little bit. In fact I'm heavier than when I started!!! How does that work? Doh!!!

Is this my wall? Do I need to keep smacking into it in order to get through and onwards and upwards? I desperately want to keep going and find it fun and lose weight. I know that I'm at least a stone and a half heavier that when I used to run a couple of years ago so perhaps it's my extra weight which is causing my body to say 'hold on a cotton picking minute.' Sigh. It's hard getting older. I want to be my old fit self like in the photo above - this was July 2006, not that long ago - have things changed so much since then?