Emotional

I had such an emotional day today. I had a few tears before I went to work today and so was already in a bit of a state by the time I got there. It's so hard to stay sane sometimes.

When I got to work, Tracey came up and was asking me how I was and that my eyes looked red and it was all I could do to keep the tears back. I hadn't told her about the IVF but said that we'd talk at lunchtime so I could tell her.

I was in a meeting during the morning and it was all going on around me and I just couldn't concentrate. It was like they were just going 'blah, blah, blah' around me and I could feel my emotions so close to the surface and tears really close. It's so ridiculous.

It was a relief to speak to Tracey at lunch though and tell her about things. It was hard and a bit teary but it's such a relief to share it and have someone else at work that understands. Simon came up as I was leaving and asked how I was and I had to say to him that I'd had an emotional day and it had been hard. I couldn't say much else I might have started crying on him too - not too good a thing to do to your boss! My work-mates are so kind though. That makes me feel like crying again - darn!

The thing that makes me cry the most is that Rob has been a bit down the last couple of days. I know he so desperately wants this to work and although we don't know what is happening yet we're both pessimistic at the moment and finding it hard. I know what a wonderful man he is and I know how kind, generous and loving he is and he would make such a perfect father. When I see him gently playing and talking with our nieces and nephews it breaks my heart that I've not managed to give him children. He would be such a fantastic dad.