Mother nature

Mother nature took charge as I began bleeding on Friday evening and so miscarried naturally on Saturday. It was the most painful thing I've ever been through. I woke up with mild period-like pains which got gradually worse until I realised they were coming in waves. They got worse and worse until the pain-killers no longer held them off and they pulled on my back and the whole of my abdomen. It was horrendous. I kept alternating between lying in bed and sitting on the toilet but I just couldn't get comfortable as it hurt so much. Rob ended up phoning the hospital who advised me to go to A&E but by then I was in too much pain to move. At one point I was sitting on the loo miscarrying and leaning over into the bath to be sick at the same time.

It lasted around 5 hours and at 3.30pm I staggered back to my bed feeling a bit better and sank into sleep for about 20 minutes. When I woke up I just lay still like a statue as I was terrified if I moved the pain would come back. I could feel stuff coming out of me and finally I went back to the bathroom and the contents of my womb were just tumbling out. I finally lay back in bed and my whole body was shaking and freezing cold. I felt like I'd given birth and my body was in some sort of shock and it took about an hour to warm up and calm down again.

After 38 years of living in this body it did something on Saturday which totally terrified and amazed me. I was never in control for one minute and somehow my body just took over and did what it had to before then relaxing as if to say 'all done!'

Today I am very achey but hopefully now over the worst. The doctor has signed me off work for the week for which I'm very thankful. I don't think I could face going back right now. I'm a bit all over the show and the slightest most rididulous thing can make me cry. You've no idea how many pregant women and baby adverts are on tv at the moment.