The worst has happened and I'm stunned, I just don't know what to feel or think. We booked a private scan for today as my appointment wasn't until 13 weeks and we couldn't wait that long to see if things really were happening. In the back of my mind I'd always had a question as to if things were okay but I just thought this was my normal paranoia. But we got there and the first thing the nurse said was that it didn't look like 11 weeks. Basically it was an early sac and looked more or less the same as our last scan. She said that it looked around 6 weeks and 5 days. It was horrible, when she said it Rob gave out an involuntary moan. I was just blank, stunned. I just didn't expect it despite all my worrying.
So we're back to square one. Well not even square one. I have a dead baby inside me, horrid pregnancy symptoms making me feel ill and have an appointment on Thursday to go to hospital and see what they are going to do to get rid of it. That was my Munchkin. Oh God.
I'm confused because my Chaucer scan was at 7 weeks and 6 days and the nurse said there was a heartbeat. We didn't see it ourselves and so did she make a mistake? I definitely didn't see anything and neither did Rob. So it's hard to know if it was alive then - I guess it must have been but if only it had been caught then we wouldn't have had to go through the last 3 and a half weeks of hoping and believing that things were okay. I would have been 11 weeks pregnant today, one week away from things being much safer. I'm gutted. Just so gutted. It hasn't really hit me completely yet.
My body still feels pregnant, my mind is blown away and my heart is completely broken. We're both just stunned. I can't believe it.
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